Dirty Joke Telling Professor

A professor told dirty jokes in class and several women took offense. So they decided that the next time the professor started telling dirty jokes they all would leave the class in protest.

 

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

 

At the beginning of the next lecture the professor began, “In Sweden, a prostitute makes $2000 per night.”

 

All the women stood up and started to leave the class.

 

The teacher shouted after them: “Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

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He Caught More Than Fish

A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.

 

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck. Down the driveway he goes.

 

As he is coming out of his garage, rain is pouring down; it is a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage.

 

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

 

There he cuddles up to his wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers,”The weather out there is terrible.”

 

To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?”

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Soft Drinks and Liquor

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.

One day they decide to name their boyfriends after soft drinks to tell the difference between them.

The first one says, “I’ll name mine 7-up because he’s seven inches and always up.”

The second one says, “I’ll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me.”

And the third one says, “I’ll name mine Jack Daniels.”

One of them says, “Hey! That’s not a soft drink that’s a hard liquor!”

She says “That’s My Georgie!!”

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How To Deal With A Snoring Guy

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How’d you sleep?” Asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time.” Said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

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